姊妹弟兄平安:我叫小逸，我在同光教會聚會已經有超過20年了，我是2003年來在台北工作之後，就在同光聚會。除了2020~2024大約5年的時間，比較少來實體聚會，其他時間大多都持續地來同光聚會。
我從小在南部一間保守的教會認識基督信仰，參加兒童主日學，青年團契，13歲時受洗，我全家都是基督徒。到了台北念大學時，參加校園福音團契，也參與服事，我一直是隱藏著同志身分與姊妹弟兄互動。當時說不上來有什麼特別的困擾，但就是隱約感到同志身分與傳統基督教教導產生衝突與矛盾，讓我非常困惑與無助，我覺得沒有人能夠理解，也沒有人可以訴說，那個年代，個人電腦與網路尚不普及，我甚至不知道有同志基督徒這個族群。
我既無法改變同志身分，但也無法離開這個信仰，那幾年的年輕歲月像是被困在黑暗裡，看不到光，沒有出路。
直到我在台南念研究所時 (1996)，我在焚而不燬BBS站上認識了楊雅惠牧師。當時楊牧師趁著到台南神學院演講時來我住處看我，並為我禱告。演講後也介紹了2位同志基督徒給我認識，從此之後，似乎慢慢解開了身分與信仰的矛盾。
當時南部並沒有同志團契或是教會，楊牧師鼓勵我在台南成立同志基督徒團契，姊妹弟兄，在那個年代，你們覺得成立團契所需要的資源最困難的是什麼?我覺得是一個固定且安全(不被打擾)的空間。
楊姊立刻聯繫台南大專中心一個年輕的蔡傳道，請他喬了一個空間，讓我們可以聚會，聚會地點就在大專中心，一個非常好的地方，不但交通方便，空間也很足夠。當時，我和另外2位基督徒就開始在網路上找尋其他台南的同志基督徒，一開始找同伴並不順利;同時，楊姐介紹嘉義才剛成立的同志團契，由於台南和嘉義兩邊人數都少到無法成立，所以乾脆合併一起聚會，初期嘉義黃牧師每週會開車載2-3位姊妹弟兄來台南一起聚會。有次我們邀請陳南州牧師來分享，那次聚會也認識了小美弟兄。當時同光教會的方長老、曾恕敏牧師都有來探望我們，並且跟我們一起聚會。
那段保守的歲月，由於這幾位台灣基督長老教會的友好牧師的接納與支持，其中幾位也分享他們對於聖經與同志的看法，真是讓當時的我，感受到上帝終於為我開了另一條出路。
2000年時離開台灣在國外求學幾年，當時居住的地方是個小鎮，並沒有同志友善教會，所以只能到一般傳統教會聚會，繼續隱藏同志身分與弟兄姊妹互動。2003年回到台北後，終於有機會正式在同光教會聚會。
在同光教會這23年，前面15年比較積極參與聚會與服事，擔任過執事與小組長等，也參與過幾次聖誕晚會的服事。感謝 神讓我當時有機會服事，也感謝 主，在我遇到一些困難時，賜下姊妹弟兄的陪伴與幫助。15年裡，當然有許多故事可以分享，不過礙於時間，這部分就暫時先跳過。
後面這幾年不知道是因為老了，還是因為前幾年的疫情，或是其他我不知道的原因，我就比較常宅在家，只是線上參與主日崇拜，實體聚會較不常參加。在這段沒有經常聚會的日子裡，一開始還不覺得什麼，雖然自己在家也會讀經禱告或是線上研經，但心靈上覺得空虛與軟弱，當時就想，是否應該還是要回到實體聚會，與姊妹弟兄實際互動。
大約是到前年，我才開始慢慢恢復實體聚會，因認識的姊妹大多在中和小組，所以後來就參與中和小組。這幾年因為原生家裡發生了許多事情，都是我未曾面對過的挑戰，雖然目前我還在這個困難(苦難)當中，但謝謝 主，教會和小組肢體的關心、陪伴與代禱，讓我感受到安慰與被愛。
這一年來，因為日子過得有點痛苦，所以會花比較多時間思想神與聖經的話，人似乎要到了一種山窮水盡的狀態，或說，我發現自己完全沒有能力能夠應付一連串的挑戰時，只能回到主。學習不靠自己，學習信靠 主，學習把眼光從環境轉向神。學習一天難處一天當，並提醒自己，並不是我憑自己能承擔什麼，我所能承擔的乃是出於神。
雖然我不知明天將會如何，但我想唯一的路，是憑信心放手把自己交給主。
這條信心之路，我希望能與同光教會的肢體彼此扶持一起走。
同光教會30年，感謝 主為我們所預備的一切。謝謝你們的聆聽。
Peace be with you, brothers and sisters. My name is Xiao Yi. I have been attending Tong-Kwang Light House Presbyterian Church for over 20 years. I started coming here in 2003 after I moved to Taipei for work. Except for a five-year period from 2020 to 2024 when I rarely attended in person, I have consistently been a part of the Tong-Kwang community.
I grew up in the south, where I was introduced to the Christian faith through a conservative church. I attended children’s Sunday school and the youth fellowship, and was baptized at the age of 13. My entire family is Christian. When I moved to Taipei for university, I joined the Campus Evangelical Fellowship and became involved in ministry. Throughout that time, I kept my LGBT identity hidden while interacting with my brothers and sisters in Christ. Back then, I couldn’t quite put my finger on what exactly was bothering me, but I felt a vague sense of conflict and contradiction between my sexual orientation and traditional Christian teachings. It left me feeling incredibly confused and helpless. I felt that no one could understand me, and there was no one I could talk to. In those days, peronal computers and the internet were not yet widespread, so I didn’t even know that a community of LGBTQ+ Christians existed.
Unable to change my identity, yet unable to leave my faith, I felt as though those years of my youth were trapped in darkness—blind to any light, with no way out.
Everything changed in 1996 while I was in graduate school in Tainan. I came across Pastor Yang Ya-hui on the “Burning Bush” BBS forum. During a speaking engagement at the Tainan Theological College and Seminary, Pastor Yang made time to visit me at my place and pray for me. After her lecture, she introduced me to two other LGBT Christians. From that moment on, the knots of contradiction between my identity and my faith slowly began to untangle.
At the time, there were no LGBTQ+ fellowships or churches in southern Taiwan. Pastor Yang encouraged me to start a gay Christian fellowship in Tainan. Brothers and sisters, thinking back to that era, what do you think was the hardest resource to find when starting a fellowship? For me, it was a stable and secure space where we wouldn’t be disturbed.
Pastor Yang immediately contacted a young preacher, Preacher Tsai, at the Tainan Presbyterian Campus Ministry Center, and asked him to arrange a space for us. The ministry center turned out to be an excellent venue—not only was it easily accessible, but it also offered plenty of space. Along with two other Christians, I began searching the internet for other gay Christians in Tainan. At first, finding companions was slow going. Around the same time, Pastor Yang introduced us to a newly formed gay fellowship in Chiayi. Since the numbers in both Tainan and Chiayi were too small to sustain separate groups, we decided to merge and meet together. In the early days, Pastor Huang from Chiayi would drive two or three brothers and sisters to Tainan every week just to join us. We once invited Pastor Chen Nan-jou to share with us, and it was at that meeting that I met brother Xiao Mei. Elder Fang and Pastor Tseng Shu-min from Tong-Kwang Church also visited and fellowshipped with us back then.
During those conservative times, the acceptance and support of these LGBTQ+-affirming pastors from the Presbyterian Church in Taiwan (PCT)—some of whom shared their theological perspectives on the Bible and homosexuality—truly made me feel that God had finally opened an alternative path for me.
In 2000, I left Taiwan to study abroad for a few years. I lived in a small town that lacked an LGBTQ+-affirming church, so I had no choice but to attend a traditional church, continuing to hide my identity as I interacted with the congregation. When I returned to Taipei in 2003, I finally had the opportunity to officially join Tong-Kwang Church.
During my 23 years at Tong-Kwang, I spent the first 15 years actively participating in services and ministries, serving as a deacon and a small group leader, and helping out with several Christmas galas. I thank God for giving me the opportunity to serve back then, and I thank the Lord for bringing brothers and sisters alongside me to offer companionship and help whenever I faced hardships. There are, of course, many stories I could share from those 15 years, but due to time constraints, I will skip over them for now.
In recent years, whether due to getting older, the pandemic, or other reasons unknown to me, I became quite a homebody. I only participated in Sunday service online and rarely attended in person. During this period of absence, I didn’t think much of it at first. Even though I read the Bible, prayed, and did online scripture studies at home, I eventually began to feel spiritually empty and weak. I realized then that I needed to return to in-person gatherings and physically interact with my brothers and sisters.
It wasn’t until about the year before last that I slowly began transitioning back to in-person services. Since most of the sisters I knew were in the Zhonghe small group, I decided to join them. Over the past few years, my family of origin has gone through a lot of turmoil, presenting challenges I had never faced before. Although I am still walking through this valley of hardship, I thank the Lord for the care, companionship, and intercessory prayers of the church and my small group members. They have made me feel deeply comforted and loved.
This past year has been quite painful, which has led me to spend much more time meditating on God and His Word. It seems that only when a person reaches the end of their rope—or rather, when I realized I was utterly powerless to handle this wave of challenges on my own—do they finally return to the Lord. I am learning not to rely on myself, but to trust in the Lord and to shift my gaze from my circumstances to God. I am learning to take things one day at a time, reminding myself that my ability to endure does not come from my own strength, but from God.
Though I do not know what tomorrow holds, I believe the only path forward is to let go and entrust myself to the Lord by faith.
It is my hope to walk this journey of faith hand-in-hand, supporting one another with the family here at Tong-Kwang Church.
As Tong-Kwang Church marks its 30th anniversary, I thank the Lord for everything He has prepared for us. Thank you all for listening.
