各位姐妹弟兄平安，我是 Amber。
我在民間信仰的背景裡長大，從小就是一個比較內向、封閉的人，不太知道如何融入群體，跟人建立關係。
有時出國旅行，以為可以找尋到什麼⋯結果常只是帶著更多的喧囂，到一個新的地方。
原來那個驅動我深處的渴望：是想要真正的平安，寧靜，還有合一。
後來有一段時間，我接觸了修行，那段時間，我做了很多靜心練習，一開始好像很平靜。但慢慢地，發現我的內心沒有變得更完整，反而越來越空虛、孤單。甚至有一種跟這個世界脫節的感覺。
後來，我做了一個夢，認識了耶穌。在夢中，我正攀登一個危險的懸崖，底下是萬丈深淵。我已精疲力竭喘息不已；然後，我聽到有個聲音一直要我放手。真的我放手了，竟然沒有死去⋯而是在山頂最高處，站在耶穌旁邊。
我決定尋找這個夢的答案。
那時候對基督徒的印象就是對同志很不友善，所以一開始不曉得要往哪邊去。偶然想起，同志大遊行的時候，好像有一間同志教會叫做同光教會，於是我就決定到同光教會來找尋答案。
到了同光教會，聽了詩歌我感動哭泣，聽聞了福音，完全顛覆了我本來的世界。然後慢慢發現，神創造每個人都是獨一無二，在同光真實擁抱自己的同志身分，才能敞開心胸接受神的愛。原來我心裡一直渴望的「合一」，不是一種狀態，而是一份關係。我尋尋覓覓的合一，就是愛。
三年多後，我到了印度自助旅行，在恆河邊被猴子咬傷，心裡非常擔心會感染狂犬病。當下我用 Line 請新生命小組的大家為我代禱，在禱告過後，我的心才安定下來。
在印度所看見的一些混亂與衝擊，也讓我有很深的反思與觸動。我發現：我寧願在對的路上徘徊，也不要根本不在這條路上。在那一刻，我下定決心，決定受洗。
信主後，主更新了我的眼光，主也在生命中的每一步中親自管教、塑造我。
我是一名從事運動教學的老師，已經有二十幾年。以前的我，其實比較以自己為中心。
信主之後，因著耶穌為門徒洗腳而感動，而上主記得每一隻羊，也大大的啟發了我。我的眼光被改變。
我開始看見學生，而不只是「上課的人」。
現在我大概有三百多位學生，我記得他們每一個人的名字，也記得他們說過的話與需要。
曾經有學生失智了，半夜打十幾通電話給我，另一位是在路上迷路，被帶進警察局時，身上只帶著我的電話。
這些事情都讓我很感動。因為我知道，神不只是愛我，祂也透過我，去愛他們。
上主也管教，修剪我原本充滿刺、較爲尖銳的性情。
打完疫苗後，我三次進出急診，因為無法呼吸。那段時間，我請了兩個月的假，也開始害怕，我才四十幾歲人，會不會就這樣失去了工作能力？
最嚴重的時候，我只能躺在床上，連喝水、吃藥都沒有力氣。就在那樣的虛弱裡，我甚至寫下了遺書。
原本還算健康的我，面對這樣的轉折，真的難以置信。
但也是在那個階段，我失去了反駁的力氣。面對家人、朋友，我不再能用習慣的方式回嘴、辯駁，只能選擇安靜、順服地傾聽。
就在這樣的無力中，主讓我慢慢看見：原來我過去那些尖銳的反應、用言語去攻擊與防衛，其實是如此無效。
地球依然照常運轉，而我的耳朵，卻在我無法回應的時候，開始真正聽見。
許多話，早在好多年前，都已經對我說過了，我怎從未聽見？
我也在這過程中明白一件事：順服神，才是真正的強大；而過去那樣用力掙扎的自我，其實是如此的微小、軟弱。
準備見證時，我發現自己不容易敞開，但透過一些姐妹，尤其是琦鈞的回饋，我感到被理解與接納。她看見我的優點，也願意說出造就我的話。這讓我深刻體會，主內肢體常常更能彼此理解與安慰，也讓我們能一同奔走天路。
我曾經很努力想靠自己找到平安，但越走越空。在同光這個群體裡，彼此接納關懷，才理解到，神愛的，不是我修得多好，而是我真實的樣子。
祂創造我們的多元，也在愛裡接納我們的不同。
謝謝大家。
Peace to all my brothers and sisters, I am Amber.
I grew up in a background of traditional folk religion. From a young age, I was introverted and closed off; I didn’t really know how to integrate into groups or build relationships with others. Sometimes when traveling abroad, I thought I might find something—but I often ended up just bringing more noise and clamor with me to a new place. It turns out that the longing driving me deep down was a desire for true peace, tranquility, and oneness.
Later, for a period of time, I pursued spiritual practice. During that time, I did many meditation exercises. At first, I seemed very calm, but gradually, I realized my inner self wasn’t becoming more whole. Instead, I felt increasingly empty and lonely—I even felt a sense of being disconnected from the world.
Then, I had a dream where I met Jesus. In the dream, I was climbing a dangerous cliff with a bottomless abyss below. I was exhausted and gasping for breath; then, I heard a voice repeatedly telling me to let go. When I finally let go, I didn’t die. Instead, I found myself at the very peak of the mountain, standing beside Jesus.
I decided to seek the answer to this dream.
At the time, my impression of Christians was that they were very unfriendly toward the LGBTQ+ community, so at first, I didn’t know where to go. I happened to remember that during the Pride Parade, there seemed to be an LGBTQ-affirming church called Tong-Kwang Light House Presbyterian Church. So, I decided to go to Tong-Kwang to find my answer.
When I arrived at Tong-Kwang, I was moved to tears by the hymns. Hearing the Gospel completely overturned my world. I gradually discovered that God created everyone to be unique. Only by truly embracing my identity as a lesbian at Tong-Kwang was I able to open my heart to accept God’s love. I realized that the “oneness” I had always longed for was not a state of being, but a relationship. The oneness I had been searching for is Love.
More than three years later, while solo traveling in India, I was bitten by a monkey by the Ganges River. I was extremely worried about a rabies infection. At that moment, I used Line to ask everyone in my New Life small group to intercede for me in prayer. It was only after the prayer that my heart settled down. The chaos and impact of what I saw in India also brought me deep reflection. I realized: I would rather wander on the right path than not be on this path at all. At that moment, I made up my mind and decided to be baptized.
After coming to the Lord, He renewed my vision. He has personally disciplined and shaped me through every step of my life.
I have been a sports and physical education teacher for over twenty years. In the past, I was actually quite self-centered. After believing in the Lord, I was moved by how Jesus washed the disciples’ feet. The fact that the Lord remembers every single sheep deeply inspired me. My perspective was transformed. I began to see my students as individuals, rather than just “people attending a class.” I have about three hundred students now; I remember each of their names, and I remember the things they’ve said and their needs. Once, a student with dementia called me over ten times in the middle of the night. Another time, a student got lost on the street and was taken to the police station; the only contact number they had on them was mine. These things touch me deeply because I know that God doesn’t just love me—He loves them through me.
The Lord also disciplined and pruned my originally thorny and sharp temperament. After getting vaccinated, I went in and out of the emergency room three times because I couldn’t breathe. During that period, I took two months of leave and began to fear: I’m only in my forties, would I lose my ability to work just like that? At my worst, I could only lie in bed, lacking even the strength to drink water or take medicine. In that state of weakness, I even wrote a will. For someone who was relatively healthy, this turn of events was truly hard to believe.
But it was also during that stage that I lost the strength to argue. Facing family and friends, I could no longer use my habitual way of talking back or debating; I could only choose to listen quietly and submissively. In that very helplessness, the Lord slowly showed me that my past sharp reactions—using words to attack and defend—were actually so ineffective. The earth kept spinning as usual, but my ears finally began to truly hear when I was unable to respond.
Many words had been spoken to me many years ago; why had I never heard them until now?
Through this process, I also understood one thing: submitting to God is true strength, while the self that used to struggle so hard was actually so small and weak.
While preparing this testimony, I found it wasn’t easy for me to open up. But through the feedback of some sisters, especially Qi-Jun, I felt understood and accepted. She saw my strengths and was willing to speak words that built me up. This made me deeply realize that members of the Body of Christ can often understand and comfort each other better, allowing us to walk the heavenly path together.
I once tried very hard to find peace on my own, but the further I walked, the emptier I felt. In the community of Tong-Kwang, through mutual acceptance and care, I finally understood that what God loves is not how well I have “cultivated” myself, but my true self. He created our diversity and accepts our differences in His love.
Thank you, everyone.
